she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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