Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
