Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
