so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
