Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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