I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
