I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
50% drunk capacity currently
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
