Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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