you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
