Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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