East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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