Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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