Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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