please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
