check it out our google latitudes are spooning
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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