Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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