I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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