he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
