Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm both gender and math confused
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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