He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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