and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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