the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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