How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He passed out mid-signature
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
