that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
and you fell through a lawn chair
FUCK WHALES
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
