my sisters under your porch take her home
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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