i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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