Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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