I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
