i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
