Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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