I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
