I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
