like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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