I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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