If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
