I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
