i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Green mimosas i think yes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
