I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
