gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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