DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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