Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
