I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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