My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
