This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize