We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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