drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
