I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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