We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
