we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
