I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
