the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
