Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
