On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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