Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
