Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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