I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
