my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
