she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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