Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
