Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
