just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
