The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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