hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
